Liverpool FC – End of Season Report Card
Like any end of term, it means nothing without the old report card. Who’s impressed, who’s let the class down and who’s frankly, spent more time bunking off than knuckling down. After this season’s achievements, we run the rule over the class of 2017 at Liverpool FC. From the star pupil to the nitwit.
Simon Mignolet – The boy has undoubted talent. After a wobble in his marked early in the year where he was replaced in class, he has responded magnificently to the teacher’s stern words. He has worked hard to control bis previous tendency to daydream occasional sloppy work. Grade B.
Nathaniel Clyne – A quiet lad who likes nothing better than to sit by himself and work quietly and diligently. He often lends himself to lapses in his work and despite much effort, his finished work could do with some improvement. That said his attendance record has been excellent this year. Grade C+.
Joel Matip – One of the new boys in class. Has adapted well to the expectations of the school. His work is often neat and tidy and can be relied upon to to produce good work. Needs to work on his attendance as his sickness record hasn’t been the best. Grade B.
Dejan Lovren – A likeable lad but must do better and learn to accept criticism now and again. His enthusiasm can often be misplaced and sometimes has been caught attending the wrong class, or absent completely – much to the annoyance of his peers. Grade C.
James Milner – Milly as he’s known among his peers is a hard working lad. He has responded well to being asked to take on extra work in subjects not totally familiar to him and should be commended. Needs to work a little faster if he is to avoid being left behind. Grade C+
Gino Wijnaldum – Another of the new boys but has settled in quite well. He can be rather quiet in class, as if he’s not paying attention. However he often surprises the teacher with quick-witted and pertinent contributions to class tasks. Needs to hand in more completed work next term. Grade B-
Emre Can – Is enjoying his second year at the school and seems to be enjoying himself. His demeanor is often that of a sulky child which can undo his good work. Must refrain from bouts of petulance. Has spent most of the year working with a broken pen unbeknown to his class mates. Much improved after fixing it recently. Grade B.
Jordan Henderson – A disappointing year for the head boy. Usually very reliable hence his title, however, he has missed much of the school year staying in the rest room swooning over nurse Jones. Hence has not contributed as much as expected. His attendance needs to improve if he is to reach his considerable potential. Grade C+.
Lucas Leiva – Very popular among the other kids. Has been expected to change schools each year but his determination to remain in the class has won him many friends. Has responded when called upon but may need a change of scenery as he often finds it difficult to keep up with the younger members of the class. Grade B-.
Adam Lallana – Has made enormous strides this year. We were concerned about him when he arrived last year but he has proved the doubters wrong handing in some excellent work. His consistency is especially pleasing. Everyone at the school is both surprised and happy that Adam is finally reaching the potential we knew he had. Grade A.
Philippe Coutinho – The star pupil continues to shine this year. He has handed in some superb work for which we are extremely pleased. Must be careful to avoid repetitive pieces as not to become too predictable. Overall, a very good year. Has thus far resisted calls to move to a more prestigious school. Grade A-.
Roberto Firmino – A steady year from one of the class leaders. He’s progress since joining has been steady if not spectacular. Roberto has however shown glimpses of the huge ability we know he has since his new housemaster arrived early in the previous school year. His willingness to work for his teammates has not gone unnoticed either. Grade B-.
Sadio Mané – Sadio has simply been a breath of fresh air since joining the class. His speed of thought and clever input has led to his becoming a vital member of the class. He was sorely missed during a mid-year break. The improvement in the class’ performance since his return is no coincidence. Sadly his recent absence through illness has again been felt by his peers. Grade A.
Daniel Sturridge – A very challenging year for a member of the class of whom much is expected. Previous high levels of achievement have sadly not been attained this year. Daniel remains a very popular member of the class although one does wonder whether a change of school would benefit him. His absence through sickness has left his class seriously wanting on occasion. Should he remain at St. Klopp’s a big year is expected of him next year. Grade C-.
That’s the seniors done. Watch this space for the Juniors next week. A very promising bunch to say the least.
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